Language and Literacy Narrative

‘My father is completely and extremely, a very monstrous supporter of mine,’ is how I used to write sentences. It wasn’t until my father sat down with me to read my college essay draft, that I was taught to “convey more, by saying less.” 

Watching his eyes scan over each word I had so meticulously crafted upon the page, my skin crawled. I’m not sure what, exactly, I was afraid of. My father is an opinionated man, but never unnecessarily so. I watched him sway in his wheeled office chair and awaited a response. A response to a piece I, at least at this moment, believed determined my future. 

“You’re confusing me with these words,” he said to me, “I enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong, but half of this page is weak words.”

“Weak words?” I said in a confusing tone, knowing I spent half my time scouring synonyms.com for the most sophisticated-sounding terms. 

“You used the word ‘very’ nine times.” He stated, raising an eyebrow. 

Annoyed, I snapped back. “How else do I show the sheer importance and extreme significance of that topic?” 

He laughed, “you’re doing it in your own speech right now.”

I’d had enough of his games. I frantically removed my papers from his grasp, straightened them into alignment, and began to walk out. 

“Sunny,” He called out to me, “your essay was great. I can see your passion for the topic. I’d see your passion more though, without these ‘filler words’ at every other line.” He went on to show me what my essay looked like, absent of both the unnecessarily long, descriptive words and these ‘filler’ terms. 

“Now this, this makes sense!” He declared. Snatching the paper, I expected my burning passion to be stripped from each page. Though as I read, my points were now clear, concise, and somehow seemed more meaningful. 

Possibly due to middle school page limits, the true meaning of anything I attempted to vocalize, would get lost. These actions, on a deeper level, may have stemmed from a desire to seem more educated than I was. I had always felt the need to strive to be better, in many categories of my life, than I already was. I often felt as though I was swimming up from a deep, dark depth of the ocean, the glistening sunlight above me representing the validation of my academic achievements, only to be blocked by a steamboat before I got the chance to reap the benefits the air would provide. 

In society, the intellectual superiority of men is lodged in our collective psyches. This bias has been proven to have real-world consequences, such as in the workforce. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed I was often blocked or overshadowed by a man. As a woman, in a society that perpetuates male dominance in various categories, maybe I felt the need to prove my knowledge in any way I could. I thought my intelligence would grow with each letter I tagged onto a word. I was constantly attempting to evince my intellect, not only the men around me but to my own self. I, as have many women and girls, grew up assuming the notion that most men were smarter than me. Boys, from a very young age, are built up in society. Girls, who may present the same scholarly abilities as their male counterparts, can be overlooked or even shut out. 

It wasn’t until recently that I noticed the extent to which I desired to be noticed for my achievements. Was this because of the validation I lacked growing up as a girl in a male rewarding society? It was a lesson of complacency and self-satisfaction that I needed to learn. As long as my ideas were understood and received by those around me, despite any reaction or response, I could always rely on my own self-validation and approbation, knowing my point was received. The deeply rooted and subconscious desire to be perceived in a certain way by others’ should be secondary to the way in which they understand what I vocalize. 

It was my father’s support that allowed me to understand this crucial tip of not “fluffing up” all my sentences. With all that can be against women at times, it is important for me to write exactly what I mean, without taking any attention away from my own points. I have been taught both academic and practical lessons from my father that I will hold onto all my life. ‘My father is my biggest supporter,’ is what I’ll now say.